From the outside looking in, Amanda Myers had it all. Young, beautiful, and brilliant, last September she was a successful lawyer living in Atlanta, surrounded by friends there and all across the Southeast. The world was hers. But, deep in the corners of her heart, she knew there was something missing that she just couldn’t shake: She wanted to be a wife, and she wanted to be a mom.
And she’d tried to force a square peg into a round hole with seemingly all the wrong men. I met Amanda through my ex – they went to law school together. Amanda and I became friends while my ex and I were still together, but we really became close after my ex and I broke up, commiserating over guacamole at Cantina Laredo or drinks at Amerigo in Jackson, Mississippi about how we both wanted love so badly, but it seemed so far out of reach. Amanda wasn’t single because she lacked anything or she lacked effort towards finding a husband. In September 2019, she was frustrated, exhausted, and confused. Like that line I so often repeat to myself from Sex and the City, it could have been Amanda rather than the character Charlotte York that said “I’ve been dating since I was 15! I’m exhausted! Where is he?”
Well, it turns out, he was waiting for her, too, and on a Friday night in late September, their paths, almost as if by fate, converged at, of all places, the Florabama.
***
In the year before she met her future husband, Amanda had dated a few guys, and she thought they had real potential. In fact, on her way down to Pensacola, Florida for a beach trip with her friend Chelsea – the trip where she would ultimately meet the love of her life – she was frustrated with the dating pool. Why won’t guys commit? What is wrong with me?
Turns out, nothing was wrong with her – they were the ones that didn’t hold a candle to the man that was waiting for her on that trip.
Amanda and Chelsea had met while working at the same law firm in Atlanta. Both single and carefree, they had taken to traveling together frequently – earlier in the summer of 2019, at the end of June, they had gone to the Bahamas, and decided that they needed more beach trips together. So they scheduled a trip to Pensacola for early July, but, since they’d just returned from the Bahamas trip, they didn’t feel it was right to take more time off of work. So they rescheduled. And when the second planned trip came around, they still couldn’t get off of work, so they rescheduled again, for the third time, for the end of September. They promised each other they were going to go, no matter what, and not cancel this time.
“It’s crazy the way Dean and I met,” Amanda reflects now. “All of the circumstances fell into place, just by fate.”
Had she and Chelsea not rescheduled and rescheduled again, Amanda might have a completely different life today. It’s stories like these that make me believe there has to be a higher power guiding us to our destiny – if we were left up to our own devices, we’d never connect the dots.
On this trip, Amanda and Chelsea booked a hotel in Orange Beach. The first night they were there, they ended up at the legendary Florabama – those not from the Southeast might not know about this place, but literally everyone from the South has a.) heard of the Florabama and b.) has at least one really embarrassing drunken story there. It’s probably one of the most famous bars in all of the South and earned its name by being situated in both Pensacola, Florida and Orange Beach, Alabama – hence, the Florabama.
And, unbeknownst to her as she and Chelsea walked in that night, it would be where Amanda Myers met Dean Orr, a Marine living in Pensacola going to flight school.
And Dean Orr would be the answer to the millions of questions Amanda had asked over the years. “Where is he?” Charlotte York once asked. Well, it turns out, for Amanda, he was on the first floor of the Florabama, drinking a beer.
***
Amanda and Chelsea were on the second floor listening to music when Chelsea looked down to the first floor and thought she saw her ex-boyfriend. Chelsea ran downstairs, ready to confront him, which she did – but it wasn’t her ex, after all. The guy standing next to the non-ex-boyfriend was cute, Amanda thought. His name was Dean, and he was a Marine.
After apologizing to Dean on Chelsea’s behalf, Amanda and Chelsea went back to drinking and listening to music. But Dean couldn’t take his eyes off of Amanda, and Chelsea noticed.
“Hey,” Chelsea said. “He’s into you.”
Dean smiled at Amanda. They started talking – typical bar talk, just getting to know one another. Dean hadn’t even really planned on being out that night – he had a huge test he had to study for on Monday, but he agreed to go out with his friends for a drink, all of whom were also Marines.
Again, fate. Destiny. Whatever you want to call it – it was at work on Friday, September 27, 2019.
Amanda offered to get Dean a beer. He declined. She got one anyway. They talked, they danced, and by the end of the night, they exchanged phone numbers. Amanda thought she’d probably never see him again – first of all, he lived in Pensacola, and she in Atlanta. Second of all – and perhaps most daunting – she was 32, and he was a tender 26.
There’s no way this is going to work out, she thought.
For the rest of the weekend they talked and Snapchatted. Dean was still studying for that test, remember, so he asked Amanda to stay until after his exam. But she couldn’t – she had to go back to Atlanta.
“I didn’t think anything of it,” she said. “We just met by happenstance, and I thought ‘Well, I’m never really going to hear from him again.’ But when I got back to Atlanta, we didn’t stop talking and texting. We talked constantly. I told him ‘Well, okay, if this gets serious, come see me.’ So he got leave from his job a couple of weeks later and came and spent the weekend in Atlanta. We hit it off, and, since then, have been inseparable.”
Two months later, to the surprise of everyone, including and especially Amanda herself, they would be married.
***
All it took was that one weekend in Atlanta, and by the end of it, they both knew: Their lives were forever changed for the better.
“That weekend changed my life,” Amanda said. “The conversations we had, just a feeling – it was different than just lust. He had such a pure heart. His heart is so good – it’s my favorite thing about him. He’s the most caring, compassionate person I’ve ever met – he’s good to people and is so nice to everyone he meets, and everyone he meets is a friend, no matter what. Whether they’re a stranger or a longtime friend, he just treats everyone that way. And seeing him treat others that way, with that kindness – it’s just the way he was raised. He was raised to be kind, loving, and open with his feelings. I’ve never had to guess where I stood or how he felt about me. I always knew. It was never a question.”
Their schedule that magical weekend was jam packed: On Friday night, drinks at a sports bar by the Braves stadium, where they drank beer and talked. Saturday, TopGolf, the Coca-Cola Museum, dinner out, and an Atlanta Hawks basketball game. And Sunday, they watched football. It was wonderful. But, as grand as the weekend had been, it was quickly brought back to reality when, as he was leaving Atlanta to drive back to Pensacola, Dean realized that one of the windows on his truck had been busted out.
“I was devastated that it had to end like that,” Amanda said. “But he said ‘It’s okay. It was worth it.’ I had such strong feelings and thought ‘Oh my gosh, this is different than anything I’ve ever been involved with.’”
By mid-November, Amanda and Dean had said “I love you” and knew they were going to get married. Dean, Amanda said, made everything in life that much better, even the mundane: Watching television. Making dinner.
“He brought out the good parts of me,” she said. “If I’m negative or if I overanalyze or if I’m anxious, he calms me. I don’t know what it does to me – I can just talk to him and it makes me less anxious. He makes it all disappear.”
Amanda always envisioned her love story going as many of ours do – dating for a year or two, being engaged for a year, and then getting married. But then she met Dean.
“100 percent, when you know, you know,” she said. “I never believed in that before. But when you find that person, you want the rest of your life to start right away. We always say, there was never one doubt in my mind, and never one doubt in his.”
Through his career in the Marines, Dean was scheduled to head off to logistics school at Camp Lejeune in Jacksonville, North Carolina in mid-December, and from there, he would be stationed in California. They started talking realistically about Amanda moving with him. She knew there was no way she could live without him, but, practically, she wasn’t going to move to California without a ring on her finger. She told him that she loved him, and that she knew they’d eventually get married, but the eventually wasn’t enough for her to move cross country.
“Then let’s get married,” Dean said. “Let’s go to the courthouse, and on down the road, when it’s right for us, we’ll have a celebration.”
“Are you serious?” Amanda asked.
He was.
But – and I love this about Amanda, how she is never afraid to ask for what she wants – she still wanted a traditional proposal. Dean, who had clearly proven by now that he was not just a man of sweet words but a man of meaningful actions, told her he promised that would happen. So, on Monday, December 2, 2019, 67 days after they met, Amanda took time off of work at her law firm, didn’t tell a soul, and got married in Atlanta.
To quote another of my favorites, When Harry Met Sally: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
***
Over Christmas, Amanda and Dean told Amanda’s family, then went to Kansas City to tell his. Unbeknownst to Dean, he chose December 28 as the day he would officially propose to his wife – which also happened to be her parents’ wedding anniversary, especially special to Amanda since she lost her beloved father to pancreatic cancer some years back. (This loss is why, Amanda said, she never saw herself having a traditional wedding anyway – walking down the aisle alone would just be too painful without her daddy.) The day he proposed, Dean was still nervous – even though it was more than a sure yes – and he took her to the World War I Memorial in Kansas City, overlooking downtown. He got on one knee, said all the things, and gave her the most beautiful ring she’d ever seen in her life.
He kept his word.
The first few months of their marriage were long distance – Amanda still in Atlanta, and Dean in North Carolina at Camp Lejeune. After graduating from logistics school on March 9, Dean drove to Atlanta, where the movers came and packed up Amanda’s place and the newly minted Orrs began a cross country road trip to their new home outside of San Diego. If you’ll remember, as they were driving cross country – stopping in Kansas City to see Dean’s family and then at the Grand Canyon – a little thing called COVID-19 hit the U.S. When they arrived in California and Amanda wanted to go to Olive Garden and they couldn’t, they were confused. California shut down they day after they arrived.
To add to it, upon their arrival in California, they found out unexpectedly that Dean – a member of the 2nd battalion, 5th Marines infantry battalion, the most decorated battalion in the Marine Corps – would be deployed to the Middle East shortly after their arrival in California, and would be there until the end of the year. They had a wedding planned for August 15 and had booked the venue, the flowers, the DJ – but had to cancel all of it because of Dean’s deployment. (They do eventually plan to have a celebration.)
“He’s my husband, and that’s the main thing,” Amanda said. “A wedding would be nice to have for the memories, but the main thing is I have my partner for life and my best friend, and that’s him.”
***
I cannot overstate how frustrated Amanda was that her dream of becoming a wife, and, eventually, a mom, might never happen before she met Dean last September.
Interestingly, Amanda began praying a prayer she read right here on this blog, from another story I profiled about Sara and Michael Wray: God, if it is Your desire for me to be a wife, please help me find my husband; if it is not Your will for me to be a wife, please take the desire away from me. (When Amanda told me that during our interview, I had to stop the interview and cry.)
“I can’t tell you how many nights I would pray, wondering why things weren’t working out,” she said. “I would tell myself ‘I’m never going to settle until I meet a man with a heart like my dad’s.’ And every guy I’d compare to him wouldn’t add up. Finally, my mom said ‘It will come when you least expect it.’ Everyone in Atlanta told me to get on dating apps, but I refused and focused on me, focused on my job, and I worked more than I’d ever worked. I took vacations with my friends and thought ‘If he comes along, that’s great.’ I had no hope though, honestly. I’d begun to accept the fact that maybe I’m not meant for marriage. Then I read your blog and started praying that prayer. I didn't understand why I kept having the desire to be a wife and a mom if it wasn't meant to be. Then it happened."
When she told Dean’s dad about that prayer she prayed, he started crying.
“I thank God I didn’t settle,” Amanda said. “I would have missed somebody like Dean. I would have missed the happiness, the friendship, the true love. I think about meeting Dean and how it all happened for a reason. The others – I knew something wasn’t right. I was trying to force it, hoping it would work out. I wanted it [marriage] so bad – it was my greatest goal in life, to be a wife and a mom. I was a lawyer, had a job in Atlanta, I had everything lined up in my life except for being a wife and a mom. I kept trying with everyone else, and it didn’t work out because I hadn’t met Dean yet. I had to stop looking for it by being on apps and dating random people. I let God take control and what happened, happened. When I stopped dating my stress level went way down. I felt more myself, just doing me, but I still said that prayer every night – to keep waiting and not to settle and to know that what I’ve prayed for is going to be what I get. And I got more than I ever prayed for. I know I would have been so unhappy if I settled for what I experienced. What God sent me – I couldn’t write better. Dean surprises me all the time with his love, not only saying things but doing things. His actions match his words.”
***
Dean is in the Middle East now, about halfway through his deployment. In fact, as Amanda and I were on our interview, he called midway through and, rightfully so, she got off the phone with me temporarily to talk to him. It’s that communication, she said, that is one of her favorite parts of their marriage.
“Our communication is awesome,” she said. “You have to have good communication. You never want to guess what the other person is thinking or feeling. Having your best friend and being married is everything I’ve ever asked for and more, if it’s the right person.”
Now Amanda is experiencing a different kind of wait – after waiting nearly 33 years to find her beloved, only five months into their marriage she had to send him an ocean away to serve our country. (Let me just take a moment here to say a heartfelt thank you to Dean and all others who serve.) She stays busy working as a lawyer in nearby La Jolla, has a supportive military family on base with her at Camp Pendleton, and has an adoring husband who never lets her forget how loved she is, but still, it’s not easy.
“It’s hard, but military life is something you know about when you sign up for it,” Amanda said. “I love him, and when you love someone, you support them. We have open lines of communication and FaceTime and text when he can. We make each other a priority in that way. We send letters and cards and communicate whenever we can. It sucks and is lonely at times, but I 100 percent support the sacrifice he is making for our country.”
A true romantic, Dean left Amanda a jar of notes to read, one for every day he is deployed. (He has been writing her love letters since the beginning of their relationship.) He also left her a quote a day to read, and gave her a book called Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives. He sends her a gorgeous bouquet of flowers on the second of every month, to mark every month they’ve been married. When they’re together, he picks up her favorites from the store without being asked, does the dishes without being asked, and starts the laundry without being asked. (Those little things mean a lot when you’re married, Amanda said.) Every week, the couple reads the Bible together and does a devotional, which makes their marriage stronger, Amanda said.
“He is always thinking of me before anything,” she said.
When Dean returns stateside, they plan to take a honeymoon trip, get another puppy (they already have an adorable fur baby, Reese), and, yes – start a family. (True to Amanda’s earlier wish, at least one of their children will be adopted.)
I can remember Amanda Orr when she was Amanda Myers – trusting in God’s plan for her life, but unsure how she could want marriage and children so badly and be delayed, and delayed, and delayed. But, as is the point of this blog, a delay is not a denial. And, often, if you are delayed, your wait is made up for in the abundance of your gift. Amanda would say that is true. Dean is everything she ever prayed for, and then some. So, to you, whoever you are – as you wait for your beloved, and as hope grows thin with each passing day as you wonder if maybe God has forgotten about you, keep in mind that the desire for marriage and children was very likely planted there by a God who has not only not forgotten about you, but who plans to bless you with, in the words of Ephesians 3:20, more than you could ever have dreamt of.
As we end our interview and I share with Amanda how happy I am for her (this one hits especially close to home, since I saw with my own eyes how hard her wait for love was), I ask her this: Was it worth the wait?
I hear the conviction in her voice as she replies, assuredly, “100 percent. Without a doubt.”